Amazing Funeral, Great Tribute

cross-posted on Shiloh Musings

great-grandmother

Yesterday was my mother's funeral at the Oakland Jewish Center section of the New Montifiore Cemetery.  It was conducted by a Rabbi  ?Klein and with the participation of Rabbi Dale Polakoff of the Great Neck Synagogue. My many cousins plus some friends and other family members attended.  My brother, sister and I really appreciate it.  I was told that it was considered a large group.  I guess it was, because Rabbi Klein had asked if there would be a minyon of men, and we certainly had that.

The cousins, from both sides (to tell the truth, a stranger would not have been able to tell if they were my father's or mother's nieces and nephews) really enjoyed Rabbi Polakoff's description of my mother as "feisty."  This was a great tribute to their Aunt Shirley whom they obviously adored.

Observing my absolutely wonderful cousins in action together, I have no doubt that they all are a tribute to my parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents who produced this wonderful family I am privileged to be one of.
There aren't many families as amazing as mine.

My Cousin Howard opened his home to us for the post-funeral shiva.  He set it up as a proper shiva home, covered the mirrors and had water for ritual hand-washing outside the door.  One is supposed to wash one's hands when leaving a cemetery, but since he knew that we'd be going into the cars straight from the gravesite, he was prepared.  My sister-in-law brought low chairs from her Young Israel of Scarsdale, and my friend Rose made sure there was the traditional "seudat havra'ah" for the mourners to eat.  There was also kosher food for all, since many traveled long distances and we were all mourning.

It was truly a celebration of who and what my mother was and no doubt my mother would have greatly enjoyed the "party."

Afterwards I got back to my sister-in-law's and on old friend from Great Neck came over to "linachem."  His parents had been very generous to me in the years I had needed a place for Shabbat and holiday meals.  We hadn't seen each other for over forty years, but have had occasional email contact.  The Jewish World is amazing.

The day before, on Tuesday, there was a funeral ceremony for my mother in Phoenix Arizona, which my father was able to attend.  My NY daughter was there, too and stayed with my father after my sister and her husband traveled to New York for the burial.  Some of my mother's former caregivers joined the friends my parents had made in a Conservative Scottsdale Synagogue my parents have joined since their move from New York.  Also attending were many friends of my sister, her family and more.

Today the shiva continues at my sister and brother in law's home, then to JFK and my flight home to Shiloh where I will continue sitting until I get up on Tuesday morning, G-d willing.

li'ilu'i nishmata

May her soul be elevated...

Shifra bat Avraham and Chaya Raisia

Shirley Shankman Spiegelman

My Mother's Funeral Today

Shirley Shankman Spiegelman, 1925-2013
Shifra bat Avraham and Chaya Raisia
Brooklyn, Bayside, Great Neck, all in New York and finally Arizona
last surviving of nine children
wife, mother, aunt, grandmother, great-grandmother and friend to many

Volunteers don't take days off.

My Mother's Obituary

Now I'm an "onennet," the term for a mourner who hasn't yet started the "shiva" period.  Today I'll be traveling to New York for my mother's funeral and the beginning of the "shiva."  I'm lucky that there's a full seven day "shiva." No Jewish holiday reduces or cancels it.

What's really strange is that I "get up" from "shiva" on "Shiva Assar b'Tammuz," the Fast of the 17th of Tammuz, and then I end the "Shloshim," thirty day mourning period around "Tisha B'Av," the most intense day of national mourning on the Jewish Calendar.

My mother's mother died sixty-one 61 years ago on the day before Passover.  There is no real shiva in such cases, and I think that my mother suffered that loss of being together with her siblings at such a traumatic time.  She was only just short of her twenty-seventh birthday and in about her eighth month  pregnant with my brother, her second child.

Here's the obituary my brother-in-law wrote:

Spiegelman, Shirley

Shirley passed away at age 88 Saturday June 15, 2013, in Tempe, AZ. Born in Brooklyn in 1925, she moved from Great Neck, NY, to Arizona in 2010. Devoted to her family and community, Shirley had a lifelong passion for dance, theater and the arts, making the most of the cultural offerings in New York and wherever she traveled. She put her experienced eye and mind to work for many years as a docent at the Nassau County Museum of Art, on Long Island. She was pre-deceased by her parents and eight brothers and sisters.  She is survived by her adoring husband of 65 years, Sidney, her loving children, Vivian, Hal Thomas Spiegelman and Batya Medad, seven grandchildren, four great grandchildren, and many nieces and nephews. All will treasure her spirited love, beauty, warmth, fairness and good cooking. A service will be held at 10:30 a.m. Tuesday, June 18th, at Sinai Mortuary, 4538 North 16^th Street, Phoenix, AZ. A graveside ceremony will take place at 1:00 p.m. Wednesday June 19^th at the New Montefiore Cemetery, 1180 Wellwood Avenue, West Babylon, NY.

 

 

I'm not good at waiting

I'm in a strange halachik-Jewish Law- status.  According to our LOR*, I can't start the official pre-funeral mourning or onan, because I'm not part of the funeral planning crew for my mother.  That status will start for me once I'm off to the funeral, to which I'm going alone from here.

my parents a few years ago here in Israel

I've never been good at waiting, nor letting other people make my plans, but now I'm in a "just waiting for orders" situation.  Almost everything has fallen on my sister, part of the package she got when she agreed to have our parents move to Arizona, and she is being assisted in New York, where the funeral will be, by my NY daughter and a cousin, who will host the first stage/night of shiva after the burial.

Today our family is spread out all over the world, doing all sorts of things, but we were once your typical New York Jewish family.  Both of my parents were the first generation to be born in America.  They (and I) were born in Brooklyn, New York.  Then we lived in Bayside, NY and after that Great Neck, just over the City Line. 

Now my sister is in Arizona, and I'm in Israel.  Our brother is still on Long Island.  We have cousins and their children much further afield.

Many of the cousins from both sides and some old friends  will be making every effort to be together at my mother's funeral.  That will be a comfort.

*local Orthodox rabbi

Baruch Dayan Ha'Emet, "it's no real surprise, though always is"

My mother passed away on Shabbat in her new "home" in Arizona.  I had just visited and left there less than a week ago.

Funeral and Shiva arrangements to be announced.

Food on The Plane, Good Menu on El Al

This last trip to the USA was the first I had flown El Al for a number of years.  For various reasons, recent trips to and from the states had been British Airways, Delta, United Continental and US Air.

I must admit that El Al has the least comfortable seats, most crowded and so soft that the slightest touch on my seat by other passengers makes me jump and worse.

But there is one thing I missed on all those other flights, even when being more comfortable and enjoying the sometimes better free entertainment, the MENU. 

El Al's regular and special kosher meals include salads, vegetables and sometimes fruit, too.  You also have a choice of kosher meals on El Al.  On other airlines, it's either kosher or not.  You can't choose between a kosher meat/poultry, fish, vegetarian or fruit option. 

Here are some pictures I took of the food served on my way to from "natbag" aka Ben Gurion International Airport to JFK International Airport.  I must admit that the food was one of the only good things about that flight.  It wasn't pleasant.  Actually, the fault wasn't El Al's...

 

 

Sans Jetlag?

I'm afraid to say it, but here I am just three days after returning from Phoenix/Tempe, Arizona, a week's visit there, and I don't think I'm suffering from jetlag.

While there and now that I'm home, I'm just too busy to rest.  I've jumped straight into routine.  I had a short visit there, only a week, but there is a ten hour time difference.  My body didn't fully adjust to Arizona time.  I generally needed a cup of strong coffee each afternoon and didn't always sleep through the night.  But I did get up on time and pretty much functioned during the day.  I never napped, just dozed a tiny bit on Shabbat/Saturday afternoon.

Now I'm home and studied and worked as usual. I did take a sleeping pill the first two nights home.  But that's it.

I think I'm ok, bli eyin haraa.

Nobody Believed It, So, Here's The Picture

When I flew out of "natbag," aka Ben Gurion International Airport last week, all of the departure boards said the same thing:

ON TIME

People love to complain about airport delays and flight cancellations, but that Monday morning the planes were leaving on time and the airport was running very efficiently. It certainly wasn't like that at JFK or even at the Phoenix airport.

There are more delays on Jerusalem roads when American officials, like Secretary of State Kerry or their President Obama comes calling nudging, butting into our business.  And then our roads from Jerusalem to Beit El are also closed for long periods of time... ok, but that's another story.

First the "Shiva" Calls, then the Mazal Tovs

It hasn't been dull here in Shiloh while I was away in Arizona doing my Kibbud av v'em, honoring my father and mother.  During the short week I was gone, two neighbors began sitting shiva, the week of mourning, and neighbors' children got engaged to each other.

The day I returned I went out to pay shiva calls, comfort the mourners. 

And then the following day, I went to my neighbor to say "mazaltov."

Life's never very dull.  Is it?

Belated Kosher Cooking Carnival, Tammuz, 5773

My apologies for this late posting of the Tammuz, 5773, edition of the Kosher Cooking Carnival.  I was busy with personal family business on Rosh Chodesh. 

I'd like to remind you that it's a good practice to submit via blog carnival kosher food posts, whether recipes, reviews, customs, kosher food news or halachik (Jewish Law) posts as soon as posted, or if you're like me  you'll forget. Also, hosts are always needed for this monthly kosher cooking carnival. For information either contact me, shilohmuse at gmail dot com, or check out our facebook page.  To tell you the truth, even I submit my posts using blog carnival including when I'm hosting.  That's why I'm referred to in the third person.  BC provides an easy to use "instacarnival" so hosting isn't difficult.  You may have to edit the spam out and you may certainly add more posts to the ones that had been submitted.

Next month's Kosher Cooking Carnival will be hosted by Cooking Outside the Box .

No more chatting; on with the show:

desserts

Batya presents me-ander: Cheesecake Recipe, I Made a Deal! posted at me-ander.

Mrs. S. presents Freshly Baked Goods Friday: French Coffee Cake Edition posted at Our Shiputzim: A Work In Progress, saying, "Thanks for doing this, and Shabbat Shalom!"

Try Hannah's homemade ice cream at Hannah's Nook.

any time dishes

Batya presents me-ander: And More Vegetable Treats posted at me-ander.

anything kosher!

Batya presents me-ander: Shuk/Shuq Shopping, Annoyances posted at me-ander.

Batya presents me-ander: Kashrut is Good Business posted at me-ander.

Every day meals

Chaviva's Vegan Loaf looks good.

Batya presents me-ander: Having Fun With Vegetables posted at me-ander.

Jewish Shabbat and Holiday food

Ben-Yehudah presents Esser Agaroth: South Park Shavu'os! posted at Esser Agaroth.

traditional food

Yisrael Medad presents My Right Word: Eastern European Food - The Academic Approach posted at My Right Word, saying, "from out of the kitchen into the ... classroom"

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of kosher cooking carnival-kcc using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

and PS, please send in Jewish and Israeli picture posts to JPIX

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My Parents' New Home

Clare Bridge, Tempe, AZ

My sister found them a place where they could still live together.

What's Up? Rather "Punny"

High up in the air, I took advantage of this:

It sure helped me maneuver in and out of my seats in the various planes I few in.  I'm glad that I was in an aisle seat which had an arm that could be raised.  I suggested to other people that they raise theirs instead of disturbing me while leaning on my seat.  Yes, that's one of my pet peeves.  I'm terribly hypersensitive, so when people push, squish etc my seat or chair, I'm terribly uncomfortable.

Proudly Coffeed

There was a time I thought coffee something to be avoided, sort of like chewing gum and chocolate.  I'd proudly drink my fake coffee, counting on my youthful good health to keep my brain sharp and my body energized.

Nowadays over and over articles appear in the news praising the wonders and health benefits of drinking coffee, a few cups a day.  

Other recent studies have linked moderate coffee drinking — the equivalent of three or four 5-ounce cups of coffee a day or a single venti-size Starbucks — with more specific advantages: a reduction in the risk of developing Type 2 diabetes, basal cell carcinoma (the most common skin cancer), prostate cancer, oral cancer and breast cancer recurrence.

Perhaps most consequential, animal experiments show that caffeine may reshape the biochemical environment inside our brains in ways that could stave off dementia. In a 2012 experiment at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, mice were briefly starved of oxygen, causing them to lose the ability to form memories. Half of the mice received a dose of caffeine that was the equivalent of several cups of coffee. After they were reoxygenated, the caffeinated mice regained their ability to form new memories 33 percent faster than the uncaffeinated. Close examination of the animals’ brain tissue showed that the caffeine disrupted the action of adenosine, a substance inside cells that usually provides energy, but can become destructive if it leaks out when the cells are injured or under stress. The escaped adenosine can jump-start a biochemical cascade leading to inflammation, which can disrupt the function of neurons, and potentially contribute to neurodegeneration or, in other words, dementia.

In a 2012 study of humans, researchers from the University of South Florida and the University of Miami tested the blood levels of caffeine in older adults with mild cognitive impairment, or the first glimmer of serious forgetfulness, a common precursor of Alzheimer’s disease, and then re-evaluated them two to four years later. Participants with little or no caffeine circulating in their bloodstreams were far more likely to have progressed to full-blown Alzheimer’s than those whose blood indicated they’d had about three cups’ worth of caffeine.

At my advanced age that's definitely good news. I like coffee and I like the energy burst I get from it.  Normally I only drink coffee in the morning, unless I'm jetlagged.  And when I drink coffee, I drink a lot.

From what's written in this article I wonder if some people suffering dementia would do well drinking real coffee.  In most cases when people enter assisted living or nursing care, their coffee loses its punch, being decaffinated.   Maybe they need the realthing...

Honoring the Dead, Jewish Style

I've been following the blog "Adventures of a Chief Rabbi" the past few months, ever since it began.  His latest post is about doing "tahara" the cleansing, cleaning of a dead body.   The Jewish laws for how to prepare a body for burial are different from other religions.  I've never been involved in this great mitzvah, but I think it's a very special one.

I recommend that you read the post.

A Jewish body is prepared to rejoin the earth by being thoroughly and gently cleaned.  It's then covered with soft clothing before wrapped for burial.  In Israel there is no coffin.  In countries that mandate a box, the box must have holes on the bottom so the decomposition will not be delayed.

Once the body is prepared, no one is to see the body.  There are no preservations, dressing in party clothes and covering the face with stage make-up.

Lihavdil, to differentiate, I'm very impressed as to how the staff in the "memory facility" where my elderly parents are treat them.  Sometimes the job is neither simple nor pleasant.  I could never do it.  I'm glad they treat my parents with dignity and gentleness.

Jetlag, Gevalt

This visit to the states has been more jetlagged than most of my recent ones.

I'm tired at the wrong times and now, close to midnight I have an energy spurt.

I brought some sleeping pills, which I had gotten for the previous visit, so now I must find them.  I took them the first night.  And I had a good night's sleep.  Since thenI didn't take any.  I kept alternating between good and short nights of sleep.

I usually get very tired early evening.  I even dozed off at the table when my sister and her husband had guests, not very charming or sociable of me.  Soon I perked up and rejoined the conversation.  No doubt they have all experienced something similar.  At least I hope so.

It's not worth getting aggravated over what we can't control.  No doubt I'll feel better tomorrow, the day before I go home...

There's Never Enough Time

I thought that I had planned a long enough visit to AZ to help/support my sister in her great chessed care she gives our parents who are still alive.  The days just aren't long enough.  There's just so much to do.  I'm amazed that she has managed so well on her own, working full-time and with the help of her husband.

This sort of "job" responsibility was something neither of our parents ever had to do.  Our paternal grandfather died young, taken care of by our grandmother.  And she then lived with our aunt, her daughter who took full responsibility . Our father and his brother did visit, it wasn't far, every week or so.  I had been told that they'd come with pictures of their children and grandchildren to keep showing her, so she wouldn't forget us. But dementia can't really be stopped and reversed.

Our mother was a young mother in her twenties when her parents died within less than a year of each other.  Her elder siblings were in charge.

This is a whole new ballgame for us.  And my sister is doing a great job.  

Living Out of Suitcases

For someone like me who's a slob by nature, living out of a suitcase is an extra challenge.

Neat people return everything, folding neatly. My stuff is thrown all over the place, while I'm camped out in my nephew's room for a few days.  He's away.

During the day it seems a tornado has hit my stuff, and it's unbelievable that so few things have taken over so much space.  Of course before going to bed, I clear it and make room for myself.  Even I don't share a bed with my clothes and other stuff.

I really didn't bring all that much.  And since the cleaners didn't finish laundering my skirt on time, I'll have to buy a new one.  Yes, instead of yelling and complaining and making a fuss over the fact that my skirt wasn't  ready I just said that "I now have a good excuse to go shopping."