Here's the comment I sent in:
Heshy, this really is an important post. In Shiloh, the real one here in the HolyLand, there are a few families that serve dairy Shabbat food. Some are 100% vegetarians and are therefore excused, but others will eat fleishig. At least the only flesh served at a kiddush here is herring.
It's the hidden meat or dairy which is the most dangerous for those who keep kosher, like the chicken "latkes" your wife ate or parve-looking veggies that are cooked with either butter or chicken soup. They should be labeled clearly or banned.
In a community that serves fleishig, meat/poultry at their kiddush, it seems rather thoughtless to serve dairy at the meal which follows kiddush. If the hosts are vegetarian, then they should really serve a nice parve meal. It's rude to do otherwise. It would also be nice to inform guests that the meal will be dairy and they should avoid eating meat/poultry, unless there are sufficient parve dishes on the menu.
And even more important, cooks (and those setting up events) must clearly label any food that can be problematic, like cake or cookies or vegetables or fish made with butter or cream. The same goes for bourekas, blintzes, egg rolls etc that have meat or dairy.
Nowadays, there's more awareness of food labeling because of allergies, like dairy/lactose, peanuts, wheat/celiac etc. We all have a right to know what exactly is in our food.